Giving and Receiving: Finding the Balance

WE MUST FIRST LEARN HOW TO RECEIVE FROM THE HEART TO TRULY GIVE FROM THE HEART.

Photo by Pascal Bernardon on Unsplash

“The receiving in life to me is one of the greatest gifts that we give another person. And it’s very hard. Because when you give, you’re in much greater control. But when you receive something—you’re vulnerable.” ~Fred Rogers

At one point in my life, I became a single mom raising two boys. While searching for a second job, food and furnishings were scarce. The boys and I worked at soup kitchens, and afterwards, we, too, filled our plates and joined everyone at the table. The stories we heard around that table were some of the most challenging life lessons that few ever dared to experience. The wisdom for us was ten-fold.

I would also take the Youth Group to food warehouses to package all kinds of foods for those struggling to make ends meet. When gathering our things to head back to the church, the people who ran the facility told us we could take as much of the packaged (slightly outdated) food home with us as we wanted. And, I did. As I think back, that was a blessing for the boys and me.

Thankful was putting it lightly, and when the generosity of many friends and family came forward to drop off food, household items, and even a kitchen table, chairs, and a couch, it was overwhelming how these friends we had known for years and family members looked out for our needs without even asking.

At first, I would not lie; it was a struggle for me to receive their help. Giving and sharing were what I loved doing, along with the Youth in our community, and the feeling of being needed fed my heart leaps and bounds. Like Fred Rogers said above, when we give, we are much more in control; when receiving, the vulnerability is difficult to allow.

At the same time, my mom lived about 45 minutes away and was not in good health, so every week, I cleaned her house, bought groceries, and cared for her needs. Mom appreciated my visits, but I could tell that receiving the help was not easy. In those moments, when I could see her quiet awkwardness, I reminded her of all the years she had taken care of us five kids and worked full time; giving back to her was an honor. And I meant it! So, why did I not see the importance of allowing people to help me and my children?

I was in a different place back then, not realizing the benefits of allowing help. And when I was on the other end and too proud to 'ask' for help, these beautiful people stepped up with such joy and enthusiasm to help. It brought me to a place of acceptance. And when I offered to pay them back as soon as I could, they replied:

"No need, just pay it forward when the opportunity presents itself." These wise words resonated with me and the guilt lightened, so I decided to carry this wisdom in my heart and to this day, I continue to 'pay it forward' but, now, I don't see it as paying anyone ~ what I give to others is from the deepest place of my heart and when I receive, gratitude is all I feel. I now remember that we are all one; what we do for one, we do to and for ourselves.

I remember one very chilly November night, as I was leaving the church after a Youth Group gathering, I noticed an older car sitting towards the back end of the parking lot with someone in it. As I packed things in my car, I'd glance over that way a few times, and when I settled in to drive home, I noticed the light in the other car go on. There was a young woman in the front seat, turned to face the backseat. I saw a baby strapped into a car seat, and because her window was down a bit, I could hear the little one softly crying. I saw this woman wrap what looked like a sheet around the baby to keep it warm. I saw other things someone had piled in the back seat, but I couldn't determine what they were. Then the light went off, and the child was quiet.

I had seen this exact car the week before in the same place, but I had a car full of kids I had to drop off, and drove away. When I saw what was happening this time, I thought maybe she was there because she had found a place to be safe for the night. I sat there for a few moments, feeling a pull to do something, and asked Spirit for guidance. As I started the car and slowly drove out of the parking lot, I decided to stop at a Target just down the road and pick up a warm, soft blanket, water, a few munchies, and tucked what money I had left in my wallet into the bag to give to this young warrior.

I went back to the church, and she was still there. I was relieved. I didn't want to scare her, so I waved and smiled as I exited the car. When I reached the door, she cautiously rolled the window down, and I could see she was frightened.

I softly said hello and said that I had just come by to give her some things to help her stay warm for the night. She looked relieved and gently smiled as she reached for the bag. I could see the little one sleeping with the sheet wrapped around her and a diaper bag with some baby food jars on the back seat. There were no cellphones back then, so I scribbled a name and a phone number on a napkin of a place down the way that would take her in if she needed help. She graciously and quietly thanked me, and I wished her rest and peace.

As I drove home, I remembered thinking that I didn't know how I was going to pay a pending bill due in a few days, but I decided it was so worth it. I thanked my loving Creator for the experience of paying it forward and asked that this young mother and her little one be well cared for.

Moving forward, as life does, was a hectic time. I had now been working two jobs: one full-time during the day and then running our church's Youth Group in the evenings and most weekends for the last year.

One night, as I drove a close friend home from a youth group event that she facilitated with me, I shared that I didn't know how I would get everything done for an upcoming retreat the following weekend.

She smiled and said, "Give me some of the work, I have the time, and I'd like to help out."

Feeling uncomfortable for what I thought sounded like I had been complaining, I quickly replied, "Thank you, Lupe, but you've got a family to take care of, too. I'll figure it out."

She was quiet for a moment, looked at me, and gently said, "You know, Terry, you can really be selfish at times."

I was startled by her comment and gasped, "How can you say that? You know I'd give anyone the shirt off my back."

She replied, "Yes, I know. How does that make you feel?"

I smiled broadly and responded, "Amazing! My heart rises, I feel valued, and like I am living my purpose."

"Then, why don't you let others experience those same feelings by allowing them to help you?" She questioned.

Whoa, that was a deer-in-the-headlights moment for me! Her words were so wise, simple, and very accurate! I didn't have an answer. Lupe kindly smiled at me, knowing she caught me at a truth I could not deny. I loved her honesty, and I cherish the gift of her being one of my closest friends.

Then, the times of helping my mom and my community moved through my heart as a reminder of years past and the importance of allowing myself to be the recipient of appreciation for the receiving end of giving.

When we are open to receive without guilt, without feeling we owe something, and are receiving with gratitude from a giving heart, the energy is the same.

Giving from the heart makes us feel warm, connected, and valued.

Receiving from the heart allows us to learn that honest gratitude provides the other with the same warmth and sincere feeling inside their own heart.

I have always believed there is a balance within us, just waiting to be put back into place when life gets wonky. Too much of anything can throw us off, like being on a teeter-totter. Put too much weight on one side, and we get stuck. If we put too much force into pushing back up, we risk throwing the other rider off. Find the right balance between the two, and we both enjoy the ride!🦋

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

As we move into the season of "Giving and Receiving", this story allows us to ponder where we are on the spectrum of embracing the action of receiving when it comes to those who find such joy in giving.

The body is always ready to release the guilt of this kind of love towards us if we allow it and permit it to do so. In most cases, when receiving or giving, just a sincere 'thank you "and "you're welcome" is enough to raise the hearts of those doing the action. The only way you'll know this truth is to do it.🦋

Thought to Ponder:
How can we step forward differently this holiday season when we give someone the physical gift of love or receive one from another?

Find your balance between giving and receiving, and you may just enjoy life's ride so much more!🥳

© 2025 Terry Pottinger

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